Kari Fillian Psychotherapy, LLC

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I Don’t Exercise Anymore

I first learned the practice of mindfulness through the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program, originally developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness as awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally. One of the first entry points into mindfulness for me was through movement, specifically in my yoga practice. Mindful movement is the practice of tuning into the present moment sensations of the body, and moving in a way that is responsive to the needs and desires of the body within the present moment. 

Over time, I have come to embrace a daily practice of mindful movement rather than exercise. Exercise often (but not always) focuses on looking a certain way or having a particular body shape. For me, mindful movement is about finding motion in my body that feels good and right and useful, rather than trying to change my physical appearance in some way. As a child and as a teenager growing up in diet culture (read more about that topic in this NPR article), I internalized the idea that my body needed to look a certain way in order to be accepted. Thus, all movement - exercise - was a way to manipulate, and even punish, my body for having that third piece of pizza, for not having a flat enough stomach, for not being good enough. Mindful movement, on the other hand, is a way for me to celebrate and honor my body in all its inherent goodness and worthiness. 

Exercise is often full of "shoulds" - I should go to the gym, I should go for a run, I should have a six-pack, etc. Mindful movement, on the other hand, makes room for exploring the way your body wants to move on any given day and allows you to release judgments. In letting go of the “shoulds” and embracing the exploration of my body on a daily basis, I was able to find more safety within my own body, my home. 

Exercise is often focused on the future - getting to a weight goal or a certain body image, burning a certain amount of calories, becoming something you are not currently. Mindful movement is focused on being more fully aware of the present moment, building increased awareness of our own bodies. Now, don’t get me wrong - I think goals are important. I love the idea of moving in order to make my body stronger and a more comfortable place to be. The difference that I’ve discovered in my own practice of mindful movement versus exercise is that exercise has an emphasis on changing my physical appearance in order to align with society’s standards. Mindful movement, however, encourages me to listen to my body from the inside out - how do I want to feel? rather than how do other people think I should look and feel?

When I began to embrace mindful movement, I learned that movement can happen anywhere, anytime. In my mind, exercise was supposed to take place in a gym or on a treadmill. When I practice mindful movement, I find joy in anything that feels good: taking a walk, having a dance party, or gardening. Sometimes, mindful movement does mean I go to the gym and lift weights, too! 

Exercise often has a “no pain, no gain” mentality, pushing the body to extremes and potentially causing damage in the long-run. I used to push myself to exercise despite every fiber of my body screaming to stop in the form of a migraine attack; I thought that I needed to push through. I discovered mindful movement as a form of healing, specifically for chronic migraine. Through mindful movement, I honor my body rather than ignore it. I listen to my body’s cues, including cues to do less or rest.

Mindful movement encourages me to honor my body’s rhythms. Just as the seasons change, and day becomes night, our body has rhythms as well. The female body specifically operates on a longer cycle than the male body, and we need different types of movement throughout the month depending on where we are in our menstrual cycle. Mindful movement encourages us to connect to this rhythm, knowing that what we need on one day will be different than on another day. 

Mindful movement has become a spiritual practice for me, as it gives me the freedom to trust my own intuition, my inner wisdom. When I take the time to listen to my body, it tells me what it needs. Sometimes what it needs is a 30-minute meditation or yoga nidra, sometimes it needs a long walk in the woods; other times it needs an hour long hot yoga class in my local yoga studio and other times it simply needs a nap. Tuning into and honoring my body’s physical needs has become a doorway through which I can also begin to access my deeper truth in order to live more in alignment with my values. 

Changing my language from exercise to mindful movement works for me, but it might not work for everybody. There is certainly nothing inherently wrong with exercise, nor should mindful movement be glorified as the only right way. It’s all about finding what works for you, what allows you to befriend your body and come home to your truth. In the spirit of honoring your wisdom and intuition, find the language and path that resonates with you.